Eternity

An eternity lies

Between you and me

Of possibilities, impossibilities

And the in betweens 

That tears us mercilessly apart 

You in your tune 

Me in my beat 

Weaving music that

Never was heard 

An eternity of denial 

And an eternity of nothing

Only to culminate 

Into an eternity of silence 

Meat

"Oh but you don't eat meat! Mind if I do?"

"Please go ahead. I could try some too."

"You don't have to."

"Haha! I don't really mind. I've cheated on my religion long ago."

"Well. Not with me." 

The Silver Earring

She carefully made up her eyes and straightened her sundress. Yes, the little green flowers on the off white top matched her eye shadow.

Perfect, she thought. Reed will probably like it.

She picked up the pair of silver earrings and put them on. She smiled at the memory it brought back to her.

She'd been wearing the same pair of earrings, when he'd held her close previously.

The little green flowers also matched the wreath.

The Race

The girl walked confidently up the podium

Knowing nobody would vote for her

She knew how strong an emotion jealousy was..

She stood there humbly, knowing she was better

The voices trying harder and harder

Telling her to drop from the Race

Nobody was going to vote for her.

She walked there anyway, giving them 

The pleasure of a willing defeat

This paltry nugget wasn't Her Race anyway.

Discouragement from family was harder

To love them despite the wounds

To prance without the chains weighing down

Love came then, and was lost at crossroads

Of hopeful achievement and disgruntled archaic expectations

Easy to be hurt, harder to not be resenting or vengeful.

First Principles. Being herself in all her glory.

Sprinting the Race they can't even see.

Over

I am here

And mentally there

Half a world away

Eternally cursed 

Shamefully nursing 

A home

So far away

A coin toss each time

Detoxifying

Discovering 

Where was that bit of me? 

The one I gave you? 

Where's that whole of me? 

The one that you kept? 

Where's that nothing of you? 

The one I crushed behind? 

I am both confused and not

I am both moving on and not

I both want you and don't

I am both yours and not

You made me yours and not

You gave me yourself and not

I'm forgetting you

While holding on to you

A frozen fire remains.. 

A tinder in the Arctic.. 

Forever on the edge

Forever stuck

Between

In the land of nowhere 

In the land of everything

Closing fences

Of an infinite love

Choosing thorns

In a garden of roses

This temporary permanence

And these endless limits

Broken, unbroken dreams

Shaken, unshaken lives

Here you are baby

And there I am

Blinded stares and silent screams

Let it be over

Forever and never

Familiarity

All of it singed
at the back of my palm
Needles pouring into my hands
and my feet

A pain so unique
A pain so familiar

Somewhere from the waves
the humid hot wave
Somewhere under the sun
in the middle of nowhere

Your memories blind me
the good, the beautiful
Masking the bad, the ugly

It is difficult to remember
to dissect, to segregate
So many emotions in
Full flurry

Go back, go away
Take away the pain
I can't have you back
Painfully or without

Phantom Pain

He was lost in thought that day. Too quiet for the unstoppable force of freedom of speech that he embodied to the spirit of the letter.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I read something. Not nice." He simply looked away, staring into nothing.

"Well... Do you want to tell me what it is?" I asked, participating.

I reached out and took his hand. Took his right palm and held it again my cheek like he liked to do.

He shot a blank smile at me. "It's nothing."

I got irritated at him patronizing me. My face didn't hide that one bit.

"Tell me."

He gazed at me, this time with a look of enquiry.

"Do you really want to know?"

I stared back, concerned.

"They say that when they amputate a part of your body, pain remains. It's called Phantom Pain." He said, distraught.

"I don't understand this." I did not pretend otherwise.

"Your brain thinks there's still the organ that was amputated and sends instructional signals to that part of your body. Your nervous system is so used to stimuli that it triggers familiar responses, only for the organ to fail your nervous system. That results into pain that is very very real."

"Why would you think about such things?" I said part dismissive, part trying to change the subject. 

"Does it not bother you?" He asked, concerned.

"It bothers you enough for the two of us."

I forced his hand around me and burrowed into him.

"I don't like it when you think so much." I said with a concerned childish headstrongness.

He simply half smiled, amused.

.

.

.

He was supposed to leave the next morning. I had a strange, incisive feeling in my stomach.

I liked him, didn't I?

Then why did I have this gut feeling that I was never going to see him again?

He was his usual bubbly self, being ever the gregarious one throughout the evening. I too pretended that we had not been fighting the last few weeks. 

I looked at him over my glass of water. For a moment, I just stared at him. His throaty laughter was so real, so passionate, so him. His dimples fascinated me and I drank that memory one last time.

"Let's go." I said. "I'm getting late."

He got onto his bike and I jumped up on the pillion. The pit in my stomach now transformed into uncontrollable silent tears.

I leaned into him from behind and let go my tears silently. I knew I was seeing him last, but he wasn't. I could not let him know that. Tiny mercy.

We neared my place and I got off. He pulled me with one hand into him and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you before you realize..!" He whispered, breathing down my neck.

"Of course." I looked straight into his eyes and lied.

.

.

.

"I am barely able to cope up here. Everyone's smarter than me. Everyone parties wildly, they want me to do that too. I thought I would make it to my dream company, but not even the next hundred took me. And you... You broke up with me less than 10 days ago in the middle of all this? Do you have no heart?"

He lashed out at me. I listened to him, emotionless.

I felt empty, vacuumed out. I gave him all I could. 

There was nothing more. Not even empathy.

I knew anything I would say would hurt him. Or he would twist it enough for it to hurt him. I stayed silent, knowing him better.

"Say something. Now."

I didn't.

"SAY SOMETHING. NOW." He bellowed.

"I am here. I don't know how to make it better for you. You're miles away and I don't even understand half the things you're saying. I don't know how to deal with it or how to make you feel better."

"DO YOU NOT CARE? Did I not mean anything to you?"

I stayed silent again, empty. Not knowing what to say, not wishing to hurt him either.

"Do you like someone else?" He asked defeated. 

I remained silent. 

"Do you like him?" He asked again.

We both knew whom he referred to. We both knew the answer.

We both knew he'd opened Pandora's Box.

.

.

.

Many years later, we got in touch again.

I was heartbroken by the love of my life. He was married.

'You're my Phantom Pain.' He never said.

I heard. 

I stayed silent.

Vengeance

Pain can do
What love can't.

Change a heart..
Corrupt a mind...
Bleed out a soul...

Hate can motivate
What contentment can't.

Thrive through nights..
Power through strorms...
Swim across oceans...

Anger can do
What bliss can't.

Crash them records..
Break out through clutter...
Singe them all...

All that pain. All that hatred. All that anger.
Trust its thrust more than you know..
Control it better than you did yesterday...

For vengeance can do
What you won't.

Red Skies

Cloudy skies plunged in pink
The dangerous, impish smile of Thunder

The conniving wind
Upturning an umbrella too many

The flirtatious little breeze
and the coquettish rain

Hurt of hail and swirl of the storm
In the land of turbulence

Lost in a vastness
of its incredible beyond

Did you see how red the sky is?
As if hurt, as if hurtful still

Stung by a lover's word
Hung over some stomped red

Uncouth smell and loutish semblance
Hide my Love, for the sky weeps..

Judgement

Spare me your misogyny
Spare me your worship
Of a misplaced sense of loyalty

Crumble in my absence
Shatter behind my back
Agonise, writhe
Without the magic of my skills

Burn your mislaid pride
Shake off that ego
Embrace your lacunae

Cast away
That socratic mask
And accept judgement,
One that you deserve

Wild Ones

There are spells of whirlwind distractions

As trophies of the semi ordinary lure me

The winds change constantly

And these Wild Ones want to fly away

I ride a wave sometimes

And at times I drown

There's water in my lungs and

Tears in my eyes

And these Wild Ones want to dissolve away

On rare occasions I stumble upon

What I think is the love of my life

I build castles and palaces in air

And these Wild Ones want to settle in those

I tussle at home and fail some more

Hurt hundreds and struggle to redeem

I boil in sufferance of the torment I inflict

And these Wild Ones want to mellow down

It gets harder still

When the skies break apart

And oceans dry up

And these Wild Ones might atrophy to zilch

It's a tough job, isn't it?

Making these Wild Ones,

Holding them, Growing them

Nurturing them, Fighting for them

And guarding these Wild Ones from falling apart

I got this job. And you got it too.

And if our paths cross, we must step back..

For sake of the Wild Ones we've so nurtured..

I must break out of your loving embrace

I have no option but to steer out of your infinite eyes

I cannot tame your Wild Ones nor hold back mine

And both our Wild Ones might simply deadlock away

Wield I must, tame I must

Master I must and control I must

Love I must and grow these Wild Ones I must

For this job of mine is an optionless choice

For better or worse, I have this job

For better or worse, you have it too..

Being the Guardian of these Wild Ones..

Being the Guardian of Impossible Dreams.