You and You

There is a book by name "Freedom at Midnight" by Dominique Lappiere and Lawrence Collins, about the struggle of India from colonialism. The book has many interesting inclusions, which would otherwise remain unknown. The book is an excellent study on people, patterns, behaviours, mob mentality and stunningly, emotional phases of man, and their impact on their intellectual.

Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, born in the aristocratic Nehru family, studied in the best schools, colleges and universities of the UK. Brilliant statesman, having a wonderful political background, mastered in mass mentalities [as clearly observed from his speeches] and a keen and fearless follower of the Satyagraha movement. Everything hints at a brilliant personality, with an alert brain.

When India was freed, there was religion-biased horror all over the northern India. Sikhs, Bengalis, Muslims and Hindus; all were responsible for the mobs, the gory processions, the riots, the rapes, and every other horrible thing that could exist on the earth. Lord Mountbatten surrendered the reigns of the country into the hands of Pt Nehru, as the then acting Prime Minister of India.

As the acting PM, he was responsible to act against the then-happening atrocities. Can one imagine how the Prime Minister of India was battling the religion hatred? One might imagine the deployment of sentries and armies, or the unified forces like some recent Black Cats fighting with their superloaded guns and ammunition, gas, and a curfew for some months constantly. Right there?

Am so simply sorry to say, but this very highly capable Prime Minister of India was having a mere laathi [a wooden stick, about 5 feet long and an inch thick] in his hand, and trying to battle the mob outside the Rashtrapati Bhavan. Thankfully, Lord Mountbatten saw him over his window and did the necessary steps as the post-independence Governor General of India [he did have exercising powers, with the PM's consent till September 1948].

Now, any Indian would rightfully regard this as national shame. To some extent, so do I. But have we ever pondered the exact reasons behind Pt Nehru's loss of personality [as is the term used in psychology] ??

I thought about it. And somehow, I felt the PM's modus operandi, though shameful or wrong, could still be justified.

Nehru was born in a family of politicians, congressmen. They were all the moderates, trying to secure Indian Independence via constitutional and peaceful means. Nehru was brought up to fight for the nation. All through his life, Nehru was a wonderful leader when it came to independence. But all he did in his entire life was to fight, fight and fight alone. He knew how to diplomatically attend conferences and take things in stride. He knew how to influence peasants and locallers to fight for motherland. He knew how to defend himself. But never did in his life did he know how to rule the land. He, nor the other leaders [except people like Krishna Menon and Sardar Patel] had any idea about ruling their land.

When a common middle class man would enter the gates of a magnificent 5starred hotel, he would be awestruck by the hugeness and beauty of the structure. The very man who would be the aggressive family head of a family would bleat like a sheep, atleast till he gets used to the magnificence of the structure. Psychology terms this as personality loss. Nehru too, was dumbstruck at the magnificence of the huge India, running from the mighty Himalayas to the mighty Indian ocean. This beautiful motherland of his, having more than 250 dialects, 140 religions and sects, over millions of people, and ridden with epidemics [at that time] now was free. But how could he or the others, who had spent most of their lives in jail and provocating people, know how to administer and establish law and order in an impossibly chaotic country? The sole answer was,

Personality loss.

Now we keep ranting that we must learnt from history. Do we practise it indeed? the lesson to be learnt here, is that we spend our lives hoping for a better tomorrow.

Hope is of course, the perfect sediment. But, are we really prepared to bear the happiness of the bright future? We keep saying to ourselves that a brilliant tomorrow shall come, when we all shall be happy. We drive ourselves with the hope of that day. We drive ourselves in the struggle of achieving success.

But how many of us really enjoy the spur of that moment? That middle class man would go to the Hyatt in a local train or maximum, a taxi. He would rant to all the people around that he's going to the Hyatt. But what happens when he actually does enter it? Whoosh. The man goes blank. Take another example. That of Abhinav Bindra or Sherpa Tensing Norgay. They both knew their aim, and worked as hard as they could to gain what they wanted. Bindra got the Olympic gold, and Norgay conquered the Everest. And both of their reactions on their success?

"It was an empty feeling. Till I reached the summit, all I knew was I needed to go up there. But when I reached there, I don't know whether I was happy or sad. I just did not know what to do. It was as if there was vacuum in my stomach." And just like Nehru, it was neither of their fault.

It so happens in life that we patiently fight or hold on for a cause. We work towards it with full dedication. Our today may be low and lee, but we still learn to smile in the hope of our fruit. We all know God isn't so bad, and somewhere deep down we also know He shall help us. The time factor is the only bothering we bear. But most of us just plan and act till there. We never plan as to what to do on getting to your goal. We never be that confident in ourselves and plan our reactions mentally putting ourselves in a happier module.

Think about being successful. Plan your day, but also plan out your tomorrow. Be happy, yet composed when you achieve something; but also keep a higher goal in life.

As I said, God isn't bad and he'll mail your fruit right away. But be sure you remain the same person, or parcel shall get delivered to some other person !

Be yourself, and be sure of that !

Just a day

It was a day. She woke up lazily, trying to get back to her bed. But something seemed to pull her back. And she woke up.


Just like a duck, when out of water shakes its body to shake off water, she stood up by her bedside and shook off her laziness. She peeped into her closet, found the perfect pairs of shorts and socks, and also her favourite sports Tshirt. Lazily sitting on the potty, she thought of what all she had seen moments ago in her dream. Still dreamy, she wondered what would have happened had the dream continued. Getting out and brushing her teeth; she washed her face and changed clothes.



Going downstairs, she made herself a cup of hot tea. Tea... wow ! Tea had always been the thing for her. She always needed a cup full of it, no matter whether it was the warm summer, the sobre winter or the chilly rains. A cup of tea, was truly her cup of tea, for she was really good at making tea. Not just did she feel that, but her family acknowledged it as well. The cup of the magic potion of tea in her hands, she went and stood in front of her usual place, the eastern window. The shine was visible on the horizon. She was lucky enough to be living in an apartment that faced the North and the East. The East, as she could always fill her eyes with the godly sunrise. And the North, for it always showered her with the best f the winds.



It was however, a day different than the routine. She knew something had been coming. It had been the death anniversary of her Great Grandmother, and the whole night had passed in the memories of the old lady. Her dreams that day, had been obscure, and whenever happened so, she knew that the day was going to be bad. She noticed the sun peeping up the mountains. Getting astonished by the sight of it, she laid the cup of tea on the teapoy. She closed her eyes, and neatly folded her hands with the feminine sincerity; and prayed to the sungod that he may grant peace to the soul of her great grandmother. After the little voluntary closure of eyes, she opened them, to find the sun significantly leaving the horizon.



She had her cup of tea, enjoying every gulp, and then washed her cup by herself. She then put on her trainers, and went down in the parking of her apartment. Mounting on her moped, she drove to the stadium which had been an integral part of her life. It was where she took her athletics sessions first as a kid. She had once been a respactable name in athletics, only to one-fine-day get bored of it. She had then switched onto basketball. She dutifully did her 3 rounds about the stadium, and then continued on with her aerobics. She was aware of the eyes of the cricketing boys glancing at her, sometimes gazing at her body in shorts and Tshirt while sometimes getting amazed at how indifferent and non-responsive she had been. She continued to think on about her dream, yet while continuing her exercise.



When she felt she should call it a day, she returned back to the parking lot of the stadium, and mounted her moped. It was still quite early morning. She thought it would be great, if she would explore newer roads. She went by the service road, only to glance at a familiar looking mid-aged couple. They, she realised, were the parents of her ex-boyfriend. They were the very people because of whom she had to undergo the breakup. A bright smile lit up her face, as she greeted them cheerfully. Her reaction considerably eased the atmosphere, and she too received a wave and cheerful smiles from both of them.



Getting back home, she almost didn't believe that it all had happened so smoothly, and politely. She turned on her laptop; and switched on the internet. She checked her usual mailbox, which was as-usual full of forwards. Deleting the ones which had been already seen, she saw the ones that seemed new. Doing that, she then proceeded to check her personal mailbox. She was rather surprised to see an email from her first ex-boyfriend; the first of the two that she ever had. It was a reply to her birthday wish. He confessed all the mistakes he did, all the lies he'd said, and asked an apology for all the hurt he'd ever caused to her. The reason for all his lies was that, somewhere in his heart, he knew he was inferior to her-in terms socially, intellectually, practically and all other ''-ally''s. She had never made him feel that he was so, but this very warm heart of hers had made him fall for her-deeper and deeper. And then perhaps was his insecurity that made him lie about the things which had caused the break-up.


She thought on. She knew everytime that he lied, that it was a lie, but had acted on as if it was true. She never really wanted to be a spoilsport. She never wanted herself to point out to him that he had been wrong, or that he had lied. And yes, she desperately wanted to save the relationship. A silent tear rolled down her eye. She was quick.. indeed quick to wipe it away, but the next one followed. She couldn't control it now. She let away each and every pent up tear away from her eyes.. She let it all flow.. Let it all away.


But she wondered why exactly she was crying. For the guy who had caused her so much of pain? Or for herself who had been the victim of all his emotional torture? It's other than these things she thought !


Later, she went out for her lectures, studied very nicely, like a perfectly sincere girl, and then reported the events of the day to her friends. They invariably suggested that she mustn't break her head over his confessions. She agreed with a part of it, if not the whole. She wondered how her reaction must be at such an occurence. She surely had loved him, no matter the fact that he didn't. The subdued part of her heart was asking her to forgive him, like what she had always been doing till then. But her friend advised her, that it wasn't going to help. Things don't work this way, dear ! You can't just let him play with your emotions like then, and then even clear him off by forgiving him. Obviously, if it's forgiveness you want to render; then forgive, but don't forget. You can't let somebody just come, play and walk over you ! Her friend's words echoed on.


On her way back home, she saw her ex-boyfriend himself, the one whose parents she had bumped into the very morning. She saw him, but it seemed he didn't notice her. Wasn't his fault, she thought, as it was her back he saw. And that too, she'd covered herself in her stole. She certainly had the option of initiating a conversation, but she chose instead. She didn't really know what inside her made her feel repelled to him, considering the fact that they had been friends even after the break-up. Slowly, she walked on.


She reached her grandmother's apartment, thinking of all the things the day witnessed. Funny, she thought. Starting from there after about an hour and a half, she reached her apartment with a huge bag, only to find no electric current. Cursing load-shedding, she waded through 6 floors, and got home. The moment she climbed the last step of the huge flight, the passage flooded with electric light. Frustrating... frustrating... it just can't get more frustrating than this, she thought.


But it did. After an hour or so, she got a phonecall. She picked that up, and heard some seriously screeching female voice. Clearly enough, a guy was talking in a female voice. The same day, she had got some messages from an unknown number. Asking who the number was, it turned out to be the same person who had tried to impersonate as a female. What could be a more pitiable thing than that a guy trying to infeminate to try to reach filth he called a crush? she thought. The person had been the most irritating, annoying personality she'd ever come across. And she hated him.


Wondering whether the bads of the day had ended, she dreamily walked down her staircase... Only to fall down and get hurt. She somehow gathered herself, and proceeded to the bed. She took a book whose last 50-some pages were remaining to be read. She read them, and went down for dinner. She watched some TV, which was rather unusual for a TV-hater like her. But you never know what all can happen today !


It wasn't really the end of the day, she also had a bad stomach while going to sleep, that ached all along the night.


Just a day !

Two People in your life

I had once said to a friend of mine, "When your greatest strength becomes your greatest weakness, you cannot fogrive yourself."

To the readers of this blog article, I specifically want to ask a certain specific question. A question that I have rarely asked anybody. In your mind, O reader, I want you to choose 2 people in your life. People who really matter to you, whose existence in your life makes a huge difference just by theirs being in it. I want these 2 people to be someone close to you... whom you love, and who love you back, and you don't need to ask or tell them about the love between you both. I do NOT want you to include your recent crushes or girl/boy friends, just for the sake of it, if you sooner or later are going to break-up with them. I want both of these two people to be parts of your whole life.. and that too, without a doubt.

After you are done with the choosing of these people, I want you to segragate these both into, Your Greatest Strength and Your Greatest Weakness.

Your greatest strength signifies the person who can bring a cheerful curve on your smile any single moment. It is the person who can fade your laziness and instill a kind of energy and hope into you. It is the person who is your friend, philosopher and guide in the truest sense. It is the person, by whose mere thought, your mood and thoughts change. It is the person whose mere company can settle a lot of things straight. And in some quota, you want to be a little like that person, yet there isn't a twang of jealousy.

On other part, is your greatest weakness. It is the person, who can numb your veins, block your thoughts and hinder your actions, all in a positive sense. You immensely love the person, and there is a certain desire in your heart to shield that person from every imaginable calamity. You want that person to be safe, and you want that person to be all yours. You are possessive about him/her, and you have totally bounded yourself in loving that person boundlessly.

Think about it. It helps, to know the people who really matter to you and vice-versa. I know my answers.

And now, read the first line of this text again. Think about it.

I Have Learnt -2

I have learnt that if some things are to be, it is no use whether you scream or shout or yell or say or cry or beg.
I have learnt that it is better to accept that a bad thing happened, and accept so with grace, than to hope against hope and wrongly pacify oneself that it didn't happen.
I have learnt that it is far better not to know a thing, than not to know that you don't.
I have learnt that when I eat a lot, or tend to think of doing so, then it means that I'm totally distracted.
I have learnt to talk less and I believe that's good for it is now making me a careful observor.
I have learnt that writing off away at the moment I feel describes my freedom of existence.
I have learnt that in paper and pen I have found a friend, that I never will, in real life... well... except one.
I have learnt that in life, never fall into a relationship unless you're really ready for it.
I have learnt that you cannot really make someone love you. All you can do is to stalk them and scare them so that they give in... and yeah... they just don't !
I have learnt that I must not depend on anyone to create happiness for me, for the very power to do that lies inside myself. It only needs to be awake and alive.
I have learnt, and experienced as well, that it was rather stupid of me to believe that good times last forever and bad times never meddle in.
I have learnt, and experienced as well, that it was rather brave of me to confess my afore-mentioned stupidity, along with numerous other ones.
I have learnt that people mistake dignity for ego just as they mistake eccentricity for madness, and it just turns me off.
I have learnt that we must must take evrything as an experience, and must take experience of everything.
I have learnt that rigid people don't change even when billion-times-advised-so.
I have learnt that only a moment is required, in all its majesty, to define a change of a lifetime.
I have learnt that it is far better to confess and confide one mistake, than to commit numerous ones to support it.
I have learnt that it is far better to end some things, or there won't be a new start.
I have learnt that I am loved, nurtured, respected, remembered and cared for by a hundred people, and I must remember this when I say, "Nobody loves me!" when just a single person insults my love.
I have learnt tha our passion and profession must be in sync, and money be there too.
I have learnt that not all people can write as I do, and I must be thankful for what I am.
I have learnt that in my mind, I have an intense fire to do something for my motherland.
I have learnt that you can't divide the earth by drawing lines called boundaries.
I have learnt that you just cant help but get irritated by some people.
I have learnt that we pay only for the mistakes we do. It is wrong to blame God.
I have learnt I love philosophers and I love God. But I am against all people who acclaim themselves or are acclaimed by others as Godmen.
I have learnt a lot, but I must not forget even a little.
I have learnt that to make rules some day, I'll have to follow other ones today.
I have learnt to trust my gut feeling, and especially not hope against it if it is my last longed-for-hope.
I have learnt that my sister simply means a lot to me. I love her way beyond.
I have learnt that I still know not myself, and this journey might lead me to unknown places, make me experience unknown wonders and troubles, but in my heart, I know that in the end, it'll surely reach me to the place and the person I am written-by-the-stars-and-told-by-my-gut-feeling to be with.