Hollow

There's a hollow inside
Persistently present
Making me realize
The true value of your loss

That hollow is a reminder
Of every unkind word to you
Of every unkind deed to you
Of everything you were to me
that I wasn't to you

You held my hand 
Since I was a little girl
I held your hand back
Since your legs gave away
Since the disease started
gnawing at you
Taking you away,
Piece by piece

I am haunted by
Your last few days
And shamed by
my behavior then
I should have been kinder
I should have been wiser
And you didn't hate me then too

I miss you
The form of you before
The disease took you away
First the mind
Then the body
Then I guess, all of you

I miss how you cooked for me
Took me in, shielded me
Taught me, scolded me
How you were possessive of me

I see a little of you in me
How can I not?
I grew up with you

And now I choose selfishly
How much of you to keep
How much of you to let go
How much hollow to feel
How much of the hollow to fill