Making friends with her

I lost it somehow
I lost it somewhere..

That ability to let it go
To let you take over
To make your excuses for me

Yes my smile was brighter
Perhaps, even some blush

But you were it's origin
Not me..

You weren't there to pick the pieces
Not pick even one

How would you defend that
To the person I see
In the mirror?

How do I right your wrongs?
Can I escape?

From you? From me?
From you and me?

I am scared to go to bed
Because that person in the mirror
Haunts me then

I delay and tire myself
So I don't have to face her

Facing you is easy
But she is fire, smoke, ash and lava
Her questions are harder to answer
Her eyes difficult to stare into

Sometimes I try to reach out
Despite the angry accusation
In her red eyes

No hand I hold out
Is held back

She's standing in my way
But I just want her
To walk along with me
Maybe by the sea
Or home, in the mountains

But mainly I'm waiting
Someday maybe
She'll smile back at me