I am not funny

I do not have any funny habits.

I do not dig my nose and then lick my finger like a lollipop.

I do not wear white socks when I am about to go out and play football in the muddy Mumbai rains.

I generally (read: always) do not carry my couple of cheese sandwiches in my tin of shoe polish.

I do not call my boyfriend as ‘bubbling bobble batty bunny bonbon boy’.

I do not wash my utensils in my potty, though I know that flushing saves my scrubbing pains.

I do not play cricket with a fragile glass bat and a red-hot molten iron ball.

I don’t use my journal submission papers as toilet paper.

I do not kiss and bathe my pet dragonfly.

I do not watch movies putting them in the 32X mode.

I never try wearing my bracelets as necklaces. (Size matters!: watch the pun)

I do not tear off my boyfriend’s picture into a thousand pieces so that my parents wouldn’t know about him; and hence I do not wake up at 4 am bright, to do the jig-saw puzzle just to see the goddamned face of my boyfriend!

I do not shave off my poodle’s tail hair.

I do not stalk and scare off the people whom I have a crush on.

I wear black, and do not expect people to call it deep purple, or the least – fuchsia.

I do not call up my friends to ask them their phone numbers.

I do not carry a bunch of 6 soft toys to my Physics class.

I do not believe the ‘fact’ that green nail paint on toenails can bring in good luck.

I do not play any sport with 12 others if the ground is as huge as 10 x 10 sq. feet.

I have not saved my dad’s name in my cell phone as Hitler.

I do not answer my nature’s call at the beach or in the swimming pool. I put the call on hold.

I do not wear a bright orange top on faded brown jeans and accessorize it with golden nail paint, white earrings and a parrot green bag.

When I tie two plaits, I do not use different coloured bands for the two.

I do not mistake Achilles for Akhilesh; and hence I’d never mistake him to be my paperboy!

I do not fail my exams by writing that Pluto is the ringed planet, has 17 moons and is the closest to the sun.

I do not sit under an apple tree and wonder who stole the apples.

I do not sit in an auto rickshaw and complain as to why the A/C isn’t working.

I have never carried the Year Diary as my School Diary.

I have never tried getting myself electrocuted just to get the latest hip haircut.

I do not dance like a cucumber getting twisted in every possible direction.

I have never thought or tried dissecting an amoeba.

I do not comb my hair with the spiral binding of my notebook.

I do not believe that adding scotch to butter makes butterscotch.

I have never tried wearing potpourri flowers in my head.

I do not think that elephants are Complan boys.

And the high-scorer now…
I never say “My conceptions are not clear.”

The Wait

With a pretty hand on the sill
She peeped at the rain out
The clouds hovering, the pour still
The window kissed her pout

Her heart beat a bit faster
As her feet tapped in sync
She sang too, in joyous wind
To herself, she gave a wink

It was wonderful to smile again
Smile without reason, that is
To shake off the binding laze
And get lost in rhythm of His

Her electric blue eyes sparkled
As her cherry dress furled
Tea called her, and couch hugged her
As she effortlessly sat and curled

The jet black flicks on the brow
Jumped over and into the tea
Set them aside, thought and blushed
Across the climates, he’s still with me

She thought of his gentle gaze
His polite words, his charming eyes
Interrupted by a ringing phone,
The door too, rang loud and nice

It was he on call, she confused
Of how to open the door
She rejected his call and
Walked across the floor

Irritated to have refused the call
She opened the door and looked to care,
She couldn’t believe, after 7 long years
At last, he was finally there !

Go on.. and be mine..

I've got a heart full of pain

A head full of stress

Handful of anger held in my chest

Uphill struggle.. blood and sweat and tear...

Gain of nothing

All to fear...

But, in this tempest...

Not that all of it can dishearten me....

for my heart died with his going

And my head stopped working with his words...

Anger melted (me) the same way

As my tears and sweat and blood diffused !

C'mon, I challenge you, O Fears !!

Try and dishearten me...

Can you make lose a person

Who has already lost everything?

Negation to negation, old rule, is possession.

And now in this uphill task shall I make

A steady effort to win,

For that's all there in my hands.

And I shall rise back, a victor,

Again, like I always did...

A phoenix rising from its ashes

And me rising from my threshes..

Only mortality can hinder me now

But it dares not !

And at this fine day I swear,

Unto you one day, a way shall I find..

Unto you one day, a way shall I find...

And you shall be mine !

Of Cockroaches, Buffaloes and Tigers

One of my friend, Siddharth Shekar's researches has led me to the discovery of a very funny sentence, which's rather been in vogue; studied and approved by the linguistic scholars of Oxford and Cambridge since 1972. My dears, the sentence is,
" Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo "
Sounds extremely fluent and lucid, doesn't it? Well, when the first I read it, I felt like there's a huge stampede of Buffalos set loose.. and that they all are charging at me in all directions !
The sentence must sure have some meaning, which alas is far above the pea-sized brains of lesser mortals like me. It only seems like a cowherd calling after a lost Buffalo!

Splendid !

Another fine discovery, was the uplifting of a myth. Trust it guys, but the cockroaches given to us for dissection are ALIVE !
Believe it, can you? It was me and my partner Sharvari Gangal in the biology laboratory. We returned to our table after getting the instructions form the Batch Teacher. Now, our table is situated right in front of a rainy window. Sharvari lifted up the cockroach from her dish, and I had an illusion kind-of that it moved. I pointed it out to her, but she differed, saying that wind made it move.
As Sharvari rose her inclined scissors to cut to the cockroach's legs, it twitched !
Not a moment wasted, we both made him[we concluded its gender later] breathe his last.
But the conversation that followed, was too good... Here are the excerpts..

Ojas- Why the hell are we ripping cockroaches apart? What great fruit of immortality, or a great fine bezoar are we getting?
Sharvari- Well, maybe because... hmmn.. killing tigers makes a difference, and killing cockroaches doesn't !
Ojas- I wonder what happens to those animal lovers in these cases ! Do they love these cockroaches as well?
Sharvari- yeah.. imagine them getting down into every gutter and yelling out "Cockroach.. oh my dear cockroach.. come to me.. some sweetie, I'm here to protect you !!"
Ojas- hahaha ! That reminds me.. An acquaintance of mine was training to be a vet. Once, he was asked to sedate a chained roaring lion. The poor guy's nerves were vibrating in fear, but just enough to prevent himself from peeing in pants..
Sharvari- And then what happened?
Ojas- Well.. the guy came out with a better idea.. He sedate himself !
Sharvari- Oh man ! Imagine the amount of anesthesia wasted.. hilarious man !!
Ojas- Hey, how do they semi-kill these cockroach thingies?
Sharvari- They just paralyse them. They empty a packet of live cockroaches into a mug of phenyl and kerosene.
Ojas- Hey SHarvari, just imagine sedating a tiger with that !
Sharvari- Yep.. 6 men lifting up a tiger and dumping into a phenyl tub..
Ojas- The same as those guys do at the time of Holi / Rang Panchami?? haha.. arey yaar kuchh to ijjate rakh us tiger ki !
Sharvari- Bet the tiger would be so damned embarrassed, that he'd offer to die himself..
Ojas- Very likely ! but how???? I'm sure he isn't gonna bite off his tail :P
Sharvari- Yea.. then mostly he'll jump off from a mountain..
Ojas- Elementary, Watson ! It can' die that way.. it'll just roll off won't it?
Sharvari- Capital ! Then, perhaps jump off from the terrace of a tall building !
Ojas- Hehe.. Mr Tiger going up 85 floors of the Empire State building in the elavator and jumping off...?!?!?! Amazing theory !
Sharvari- Hmmmn.. and what's your plan ?
Ojas- I think it's easier to borrow the machine from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.. Take it, miniaturize the tiger. If it bites, it's gonna be nothing better than a mosquito bite :P
Sharvari- Haha.. so killing it with the mosquito racquet?
Ojas- Nah.. Paralyse in the same jug of phenyl and kerosene....!




(A voice in the background: "ANUKOOL WHAT ON EARTH IS YOUR COCKROACH DOING OVER THE PINS ??????????)

Life, As One May Look At It

It doesn't matter what road you take

It doesn't matter how well you dress

It doesn't matter how bold you fake

It doesn't matter what accent you master

It doesn't matter what place you live

It doesn't matter to what religion you belong

And likewise, for your caste, creed, parents, mother tongue et al

It all just doesn't matter.

It does matter how big you dream

It does matter how hard you work

It does matter how much you love

It does matter how deep you believe

It does matter how strong you can be

It does matter how warm you feel

It does matter how you live

It does matter what matters to you..

This life's really too short to hate people and look behind or draw boundaries of any kind.

Live it, folks!

This life, this living must be loved a thousand times.

"Talloke na tu yaachyate na punar deenaya va deeyate!"

(It isn't asked for in this world, neither given back to the one who comes begging for it)

Value

As I sit poised

Hearing the Ballad of the Beautiful Lady

It just did realise me

That I was scared

Scared of my everyday morning tea

Scared of what I wish to be

Scared of all the nutricious food

Scared of friends who all do me good

Scared of those jewellery chunks,

Scared of my prettiest clothes..

Of the rich coffee aroma

Of the latest pirated drama

Of all the kisses I get

Of the money, when I bet

Of my favouritest rich drink

Of even my thoughts when I sit and think

Of that smooth dollop of cream

Of my worst n best possible dream

I'm scared of how much I love it

I'm scared of how much I get it

I'm scared lest it should lose

The priceless value it has..

For money cant value it

And only can mind..

And not losing mind, is the toughest you could find !